Cirque du Freak Fatherless Freak
by thief-uchia
Summary: Spoiler for the ending. Darius's POV. For a fatherless child, a father is exactly what he needs. Oneshot.


I do not own Darren Shan.

* * *

"His father had raised him on lies and false heroics. Only now was he beginning to realize what sort of monster he'd aligned himself with." Pg 210 _Lord of the Shadows_

Darius's POV. Spoiler to the end of the series.

* * *

I often wished I had a father. No one made fun of me, no one said rude things, no one dared. I was a Shan. I wasn't allowed to be called filthy names. I wasn't allowed to be made fun of. But it never stop their eyes. Their eyes, which accused me silently. Whispering the words no one dared to say. _Fatherless freak_.

Mom tried too hard to make sure I was okay. She worked so hard...

But she didn't understand. She didn't understand why I wanted a father. Why I couldn't just look at my Grandpa as a male role modle. But even doing that won't get rid of the voices. _Fatherless Freak..._

* * *

"I'm sorry, we did all we can but… We couldn't save him. He… he's… Darren is dead."

Mom pauses. Her eyes are wide, but she's trying hard to suppress the anguished cry. "Euh-Excuse me?" Her voice is shaking; her eyes beginning to wet. She reaches out for me and holds me tightly to her chest. But she never looks away from the crying women called Debbie.

"He's dead," Debbie repeats. Then, moaning she bursts into fresh tears.

"Wait! What about… what about my father?"

I knew it a bad move even before I opened my mouth. But it's too late to take it back. I wait my answer as Mom's grip tightens.

"He's dead also," the short grey creature known as Harkat answers. His voice is filled with anger. "A life for a life…" he grumbles.

Mom's sobbing now. She's clutching me and crying on my shoulder. And I let her. I'm in a shock.

My Dad's dead?

* * *

"Darius?" 

I don't look up. I know who it is. I don't have to look up. I've heard his voice only too many times when Dad was still alive.

"I… I'm sorry we had to drag you into our war."

I don't react. Him being sorry means nothing. My uncle is dead, my Dad is dead, and I am forced to be one thing I have loathed ever since young. A Vampire.

"And I… I'm equally sorry that you had to meet your father."

Rage flickers in my heart. But I don't move. I take deep breaths. My Dad's evil. He was evil. I can't let that statement get to me.

"Our act-"

"Oh shut it!"

I didn't mean to get so angry, but I am. His words anger me. And his presence fuels it. My head is up now. I'm glaring at him.

"You don't know half the things I went through!" I sneer. "Don't try to sympathize! I don't need your pity!"

His eyes are wide, surprised. But he reins his emotions quickly. He just nods stiffly. "I understand. Good day to you. I hope, for your sake, you never cross paths with any vampaneze wishing you harm."

And he leaves me stunned. How could I have lost it like that? Why did I become so angry? My Dad was evil! He was… he was…

* * *

School ended with its usual merits. With a bored yawn, I began to walk home.

"Dah-Darius!" Oggy exclaimed in sotto voce. He tugged at my shirt.

When he had my attention, he pointed. I looked at where he pointed, but I didn't see anything unusual. Just kids walking home, picked up by their parents…

Then I saw him.

The one who was prophesized to lead the Vampaneze to victory. The one who swore to kill my uncle. My Dad.

At first I didn't know it was him. Just that someone was there and he was motioning us towards him. And with Oggy tailing behind, I went to him.

"Hello." His voice was smooth, but there was an edge to it. Power…

"Heh-hello." I stuttered. I don't often but when I did, it meant I was awed. And indeed, the man awed me.

"I suppose you don't recognize me?"

I was confused. Why would I recognize him? He was a stranger! Wasn't he…?

He sighed. "I figured as much. Silly Annie, thinking she can keep me away from my own son!"

Of course. My fabled father Mom never mentions.

Oggy was still looking at me funny. "Who is he?" he whispered to me. But Oggy, being Oggy, talked too loud. My father overheard.

"Why, Darius, who is _this_?"

My eyes narrowed. Granted he is my father, but how did he know my name? According to Grandma, they didn't name me until a little after I was born. And by that time, Mom and father was no longer together.

"Oggy, go away."

Oggy looked curious, but he left. He always does what I tell him. Then I turned my full attention to my father.

"Why are you here?" I didn't mean it to sound so harsh, but it came out that way. I felt bad slightly, guilty. But there was no emotion on his face except for amusement.

"Can't a father visit his own child?"

I had no retort to that. He was correct. But he continued on.

"I'm sorry, Darius. But I wanted to see how much you've grown. I've missed you and your mother dearly. But I must continue on, the battle isn't over."

I raised a brow. "Battle?"

He smiled thinly. "How is your mother doing?"

I waved the question aside with a simple, "Okay." Then I continued my attack. "What battle? There isn't a war anywhere right now!"

His eyes were sad, as if sorry. "It's best you stay out of it. How's your grandparents?"

This time, I brushed aside the question altogether. "Don't dance around the topic! Is this battle the reason you left Mom?"

His eyes were hard now. And his lips thin. "Son, I did it for your good. For your mother's good."

"Then why are you back? It's better that you aren't here at all." I couldn't stop the tears from entering my voice. And my knees felt weak. This wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to come back. He was supposed to be dead in my world. Not… here.

"The war is almost over," he said gently. His eyes softened. "Soon, I'll come back home."

I couldn't fight off the hope. I couldn't fight it as it lifted my spirits up to the sky. He'll be back soon.

* * *

"Dad?" 

He hand hovers over the ice cream. He looks up at me. "Hm?"

"How did you know my name? In fact, how did you recognize me?"

He smiled. "You're my son. It's hard not to see the resemblance."

I nodded. But it still didn't explain how he knew my name. I told him as such.

His smile never wavered. "Simple. Annie and I decided to name our child Darius if it was a boy."

"And if it was a girl?"

He smirked. "Daniela."

* * *

I stifle a sob. I'm in my bed, encased in my blanket. No! I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember those carefree days when I believed my Dad to be good. When he was a noble Vampaneze, fighting those evil vampires. 

I clutch the blanket tighter around me. This isn't how it's supposed to be. This isn't how normal stories end. Uncle shouldn't have died. My Dad shouldn't have… couldn't have….

But no matter what, I can't find the correct word to end that sentence. And I drift back into the memories.

* * *

"Father, please. Tell me about your battles." 

He shook his head. "Darius," he sighed. "I'm insulted."

I was taken back. Insulted? How? What? Why?

"Please, let's cut the formalities. I would very much prefer if you'd call me Dad."

My heart sang. Here he was. The one who's been gone even before I was born. My fa-Dad. My Dad.

And he was here.

With me.

* * *

It was a normal winter night. It was only six o'clock, but the whole world was dark. And I was being stalked. 

I wasn't sure at first. It was all instinct. But then…

An arrow hissed past me, just missing my ear. I froze. What the?

In a blink of an eye, something warm was pressed against my throat, and a hand wrapped around my mouth.

"Make a noise," came a hissing whisper beside my throat, "and I kill you."

His breathing tickled my neck. He, I was sure that it was a he because of the voice, dragged me slightly, but not for long.

A figure was standing in front of him, of me. I couldn't see so well because of it being so dark.

"Let him go." But I recognized the voice.

It was my Dad.

The figure that held me gave an involuntary shudder. My respect for him grew because of the fact that my own Dad can make someone shiver with just three words.

"I… I refuse!" the person holding me growled, moving away from my neck.

"So be it."

There was a snap, and something went whizzing past me. It struck the figure that held me and was rewarded with a yelp. His grip loosened and the knife fell from his hand. I slowly looked down.

Blood. His body was covered with blood. An arrow stuck out from his forehead, his eyes widened in fear.

"I'm sorry Darius."

I wanted to look away from the grotesque mess and run into my Dad's arms. But I couldn't bring myself to look away. I couldn't bring myself to run.

Warm arms grasped me in a bear hug. "Gannen! There's something wrong with him!"

"I believe he's in a shock, my lord."

And that was the introduction to the war.

* * *

"And you battle those… creeps?" 

"Vampires," my Dad corrected.

He had finally told me of his job. Of the battle. Lord of the Vampaneze… who would've thought?

The other man, who I assumed was Gannen, hadn't said a word since he came. He just stood over to the side, as if to watch over dad.

Dad sighed. "I'm sorry. I was hoping the battle would be over by now but…"

He said that before, too. Couple of years ago, when we first met. He said that he would come home after it was over. And that I shouldn't tell Mom about him. At least not until he was done with his war.

"Dad, let me fight in this war."

His eyes widen in surprise. "No!"

"Wait, hear me out first. They wouldn't expect you to have a child on your side! I can be your secret weapon! Dad! Please, let me help!"

His eyes clouded, troubled. But then, he took me into his arms. "All right, son. Make me proud."

"I will. I promise."

Because he made me proud.

* * *

Angrily, I fist my pillow. He played me! His little acts of saving me… his acts of being my father… his lies! I can never forgive him! 

He hurt me! He used me! He… he…

Didn't he love me?

Didn't he care?

How much I respected him? Didn't he know?

How much I looked up to him?

How proud I was of being his son?

The Lord of the Vampaneze… my father…

Another tear escapes my eyes.

What has become of me?

I hate him. I can never forgive him.

But at the same time…

I can't help but to respect him. To forgive him. Because…

In the end, he's my father. My one and only father.


End file.
